Monday. 1.3.05 11:03 pm
i dunno how tis entry can b a hapie one. cos im feelin too down tt i tink tis entry wil jus make me tear more.
i noe its stupid. n dumb. i dunno y i teared either. J is attached. yes, he is. double confirmation.
few daes bk, i saw his friendster. den saw tis pic wif a ger n he wrote
"she wants me!!". had mixed feelings. cos he stil put
"single" mah. din probe much. see him online, also nv tok to him. den today... my fren ask me if i noe tt J is attached..n i was stunned for a second. i mean, ok, i guessed it. but i din wan my guess to b right. n wen ur fren tells tt to u, it cant b wrong rite? so ya. it broke my heart. for dunno wad reason.
babe said
"u reali like him very much!!". i dun even noe de right answer myself. mayb yes, mayb no. i seriously tried to get him off my mind. but wen tis sentence
"J is attached" was said to me, i totally lost everythg. ahh fark. hell. crap. mayb i shld jus delete him fr my MSN list. prolly i wun tink so much lidat. u noe de shit i feel? omg. damn down until i dun feel like tokin to anyone, or do my stuffs. ahhhh. i wish i can treat him as a normal fren again. time. => i nid lots.
tis portrays how i feel rite now..
The Hardest Thing
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do...
to look you in the eyes, and tell you I don't love you...
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie...
to show no emotion, when you start to cry...
I can't let you see what you mean to me, when my hands are tied and my hearts not free...
It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do...
to turn around and walk away, pretending I don't love you....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
life suk. reali. i noe its incomparable to those innocent ppl hu died. i shouldnt b complaining. but i nid a place to vent out all my frustration lah.
i haf like so many freakin stuffs to do now. tests r nearing. 2 each a wk. n my notes arent updated for goodness sake. den my proj survey arent getting anywhr. tried using friendster to get respondents. but result not very appealing. father said he'll help me ask him colleagues. hope it'll aid somehow. gonna go dwn town tml to do too. sigh. expect many rejections. yuwen is sick. dwn wif fever. one less helper. die. god, r u helpin me??
notes r piling up. tryin to rewrite all my notes again. may hafta work during 4 wk ends now. de event co called me. 9 bucks per hr, attractive yea. seriously dunno how to juggle it. if my studies get affected, it'll all b my fault. nt gonna blame anyone except myself.
nth much to write. tink my love luck is gg dwn de drain. everyday seem to get worse than previous daes. either de guy is too persistent. make me kinda irritated. or he uses me as a substitute due to previous break up. or he jus wanna hav a fling. or ive no chemistry wif him. or he is totally boring n unromantic. am i being picky?! ahhh i reali dunno. mayb most guys make me feel disgusted now. only some, intellectual ones, hu now how to converse, wil i tok to dem. im sry if i ignored many. jac is in a damn down mood today. *cries*
i once tout, if any guy comes along my way, i'll jus accept him. but i realise its too tuff. now, i even feel answering guys calls a hindrance. esp wen dey cor u to noe more bout u. i dunno. i dun reply some msgs too. i noe its bad. but jus dun hav de
"feeling" to tok, much less answer de cor. SORRIE! guess, single is my life.
now i can only wish T n J xing fu kuai le..both gt gf..wen someone is happie, de other party wil b sad. tts a sacrifice i guess. John msg me, he said he was in town den saw T n gf on de streets. sigh. one bad news + one more bad news = very very very bad bad news! fark!
ive too much stuffs on my mind. time i sorta many many things. wun b blogging for a short while i guess. dun miss me. well, i noe u wun.
tk care pple. study hard. =)
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